Character Confessions at the Krazy Kulalu
by Count Kulalu
Summary: This is Kulalu. Kulalu works at a bar known as the Krazy Kulalu. There, popular characters from all over pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories and even secrets. Because, as we all know, what the bartender hears in confidential, isn't it?
1. Chapter 1

**_Disclaimer: I don't own Video Game Confessions which is owned by ThatGuyWithTheGlasses and/or any and/or all concepts and/or characters that are displayed in this fic. They are all copyrighted to whoever owns them. _**

**_"I do, however, reserve the right to claim Klank and Orbus as my robot minions considering that I hired them after Zeo and Ohranger ended. But I don't own the shows they appear in. Just wanted to make that perfectly clear! Enjoy!"_**

**_-Count Kulalu-_**

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**Ash Ketchum**

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Bar Confessions

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This is Kulalu. Kulalu works at a bar known as the Krazy Kulalu. There, popular characters from all over pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories and even secrets. Because, as we all know, what the bartender hears in confidential, isn't it?

So I'm tending to the bar like I usually do, when in comes a guy I haven't seen in a LONG time: Ash Ketchum. He comes straight to the counter and asks for a nice tall drink. He didn't care what kind, so I thought I could surprise him by giving him a shot of chocolate milk. It's a little trick I do when people say 'surprise me' when they order a round.

Ash didn't even look at it. He just grabbed the shot glass, chugged it down, and slammed the glass on the counter.

"Okay…" I thought. Clearly something was going on, so I decided to ask him. "What's going on, Ash? You seem to be a bit…mad."

He just looks at me like I was Captain Obvious. "That is an understatement. I've just about had it with my show."

Now this was going to be good. "What do you mean?"

"I mean that I'm just about ready to quit. The show's become too much, and I can't stand all the things it's forced me to do anymore." He said as he put his head in his hands.

Now I was definitely curious. "What things?"

"Oh where do I begin?" He rubbed his temples. "How about the fact that my contract states that I'm only allowed to catch so many Pokémon."

That really surprises me. "It does?"

I mean, wow. I know fans complain as to why Ash doesn't really catch all the Pokémon he finds, but to here that he's actually banned from doing so really strikes a chord. "What else do they do to you?"

He looks at his glass, pointing out how empty it is. I get the message and quickly grab it out of his hand and refill it. I do it all in the blink of an eye so he doesn't realize what he's actually drinking. After he gets a sip, he continues on his rant. "They make me act like I'm still 10. Did you know I'm actually 22 years old."

As if things weren't crazy enough. "Really! But you look so…you sound so…"

He just smirks a bit. "Yeah, but you could just consider me a Daniel Radcliffe in the anime world."

Makes sense to me. "So you have to act a lot younger than you already are. That doesn't sound so bad."

He just sighs. "Try telling that to anyone in a club. Even when I show them my ID, they still don't believe me."

I try to change the subject a bit. "So what if you're a lot older than you look? How are Misty, Brock, and the others?"

Ash smiles a bit. "Well, Brock still works on the show. We both try to help the other through the day. May, Dawn, and Max are still young, but doing well on the show. As for Misty…"

He pulls out a picture of the two of them together. They were enjoying a moment on the beach. "We've been going steady for a few years now."

I congratulate him and tell him how happy I am to hear that. "It doesn't sound all bad."

Ash frowns. "Yeah, but there's so much that the fans don't know about."

"Like what?" I ask. He just looks angrily at his glass that I refilled again.

"Like how badly they could sometimes treat the Pokémon. Take Butterfree for example."

Now I liked Butterfree and was sad to see him leave the show, but still cheered for him when I found out he really did end up with that Pink Butterfree and they have a few Caterpies of their own.

I was worried about what the show did to him. "What happened to Butterfree?"

"They made him overdose on rare candy to get him to evolve faster." Ash answered with no hesitation.

I shouted out. "They did what?"

Ash continued on. "It was the only way he could evolve in two episodes. He wasn't the only one though. Take Charizard. He would always come onto the set stoned, which is why the writers had to make it look like he had no respect to obey me despite the fact I had all the Gym badges."

Now that answered one of my questions that fans of the show always had. I mean, we always thought that Charizard proved the Badges don't mean jack, but to hear that he was always on cloud nineteen…Dang.

"Well, at least he got better." I said, trying to lighten the mood. Ash disagreed.

"That's because he was going through rehab. The part where he left the show for the first time was him finally seeing real professional help." He said, though you could tell he was happy that his friend was getting better.

"Okay, anyone else?" I asked. Who else was messed up on the show, I wondered.

He sighed. "Misty."

What the heck? "Misty! She had drug problems?"

"No! Not that!" He waved his hands frantically. "It's just…one day I found her collapsed on a floor in her dressing room. We rushed her to the hospital and found out later that she had nearly overdosed on vicodin."

Now I had to think about that one for a minute. "Vicodin? I thought she didn't have any drug problem."

Ash explained it more clearly so I could understand it better. "She didn't. A few weeks before that, she got into a car accident and was hurt pretty badly. She just needed the pills to help with some pains. She knew her prescribed amount and made sure we all watched out for her. But we all found out the real reason she nearly died."

He then looked at his glass like a telescope. I gave him another refill before he continued. "She took what she thought was water, but it turned out to be Psyduck's alcohol stash."

Now I definitely wasn't expecting to hear this. "Psyduck's…what the heck does he need alcohol for?"

Ash simply spread his arms out. "It's what gave him his headaches. He would just drink some and voila, he was ready for his bit."

This was too much. "I assume that's not even the tip of the iceberg that is all the things wrong with the Pokémon show?"

"Oh, there is so much more. Want to hear it?"

I honestly don't, but at this point I can't help myself. "Well, maybe one more…"

Ash grins. "One more, huh? Well, you know about Team Rocket?"

Who doesn't know about Team Rocket? They are some of the most iconic villains in all of Saturday morning anime. Why, Rocket grunts are one of the for sure costumes you'll see at any anime convention. I should know. Me and my pals tried to go as a few grunts last expo.

So I want him to go on with his story. "Course I know about Team Rocket. Why? Were they on drugs, too?"

At this point I'm getting the feeling that all his stories are involving drugs in some way or another. Ash just shakes his head in disagreement. "Nope. But they did something that none of us expected."

I lean in closer. "Go on."

He looks around and holds a hand over his mouth as he tells me. "They got married on the set, had a lavish honeymoon that was on plenty of vacation time they accumulated from their stunts, and they put all of the cost and expenses on the company's payroll."

Now the eyes on my mask have widened by a few inches. "They did! When?"

"You know that one episode where Jessie is dressed like the groom and James like the bride?"

"Yes."

"That would be the one."

Now I knew that the two Rockets married, reading Anime News weekly myself. Everyone knew that, even if they didn't address it on the show. But until Ash told me, no one in all the worlds knew the when and where the ceremony took place. To be told that their Big Day was a way to give the corrupt corporates running the show the Big Finger was far from what I was expecting.

And there where many more stories Ash had to tell me, but for now I think I've told enough. Maybe another time I'll say more, but for now, I think I can honestly say there are many things going on behind the scenes of the Pokémon show. The only place I could think of stranger things going on is at nice bar known as the Krazy Kulalu.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender. You see a lot of strange things at the Krazy Kulalu. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Krazy Kulalu. And that is no lie. I swear to it. **;)**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Video Game Confessions which is owned by ThatGuyWithTheGlasses and/or any and/or all concepts and/or characters that are displayed in this fic. They are all copyrighted to whoever owns them.**_

**_"I do, however, reserve the right to claim Klank and Orbus as my robot minions considering that I hired them after Zeo and Ohranger ended. But I don't own the shows they appear in. Just wanted to make that perfectly clear! Enjoy!"_**

**_-Count Kulalu-_**

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**Bar Confessions**

**Ben Tennyson**

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This is Kulalu. Kulalu works at a bar known as the Krazy Kulalu. There, popular characters from all over pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories and even secrets. Because, as we all know, what the bartender hears in confidential, isn't it?

So I was just tending to the bar one night, doing what I usually do as a bartender, when all of a sudden I see one of my favorite customers, Ben Tennyson. Now, Ben and I have a bit of a history together, seeing how when his Grandpa Max would come in here with him and Gwen when they were kids, I always made sure to have his favorite smoothie on hand, fresh for the day.

Yet, today he came in with such a sad look on his face. I couldn't help but to wonder what brought on such a frown. I get him a smoothie, fresh from the blender mind you, and he hardly took any notice as he sat at the counter. I just had to ask him what was going on to put him in this funk.

"What's the matter Ben?" I ask, trying to be subtle, yet to the point. It's an old bartending trick, a little 101 for all you newbies.

He's just sighing there on the counter until he finally decides to talk to me. "It been a bad week, Kulalu. Things with Julie aren't exactly on the upside right now."

Now, a bad week with Ben Tennyson could range from not getting the new Sumo Slammers game because it's been held back or getting pummeled by Vilgax and his cronies everyday this week. The fact that I see Ben so sad because of relationship problems is a big deal. So I ask him to give me the details to see what's going on. He sits quiet for a while until he finally starts telling the story.

"You know that time I became three people to see the Sumo Slammers Movie, Julie's game, and fight Forever Knights with Kevin?"

"Who doesn't?" Honestly, who doesn't? It's one of the biggest things that's talked about in Ultimate Alien. "Is Julie still mad at that? I thought you and her talked about it a while back."

"Well, we did talk about it and she still holds it to me sometimes. But that's not it."

"Okay." I say. "Then what's the real problem?"

He pauses for a moment to take a sip of the smoothie I gave him earlier. "She found the fanmail."

"The fan mail?" I have to stop and think to myself for a moment. Clearly there is something I'm not getting here. "What fan mail?"

Ben just sighs. "The fan mail about what I should have done in that episode."

Now I get it. You see, in that episode Ben divides himself into three beings. One is more rough and tactless, the second is poetic and more…exuberant, while the third…you know, I have no idea what was different about the third.

Anyway, to make a long story short, Heckler went to Julie's game, Pansy went to fight Forever knights with Kevin, and Thing 3 went to see Sumo Slammers the Movie. Julie was fine with Ben trying to divide himself to watch her game and save the world at the same time, but got angry that Ben went to see the movie too. The fans were kinda mad too and keep saying that they should've switched Rowdy Ben with Pouty Ben and everything would have turned out fine. The day would've been saved, Ben would get to see an awesome flick, and Julie would have been none the wiser.

"So she's mad that the fans all wished you switched Bens?"

"No, she's mad at all the ways they told me how to cheat on her."

Now this was a shocker, "What!"

"Some fans actually wrote to me how I can get more things by her while others suggested I could do more things with more clones and well…let's just say that some of those things involved another girl."

That just left me speechless. I mean, I know fans could have rowdy suggestions, but dang! "So what did you do?"

"We fought, we left angry, and now it's been a week since I've seen her."

Wow…just…Wow. "So have you tried calling her or anything?"

"I tried calling her whenever I could, but I get no answer. What should I do?" He looks at me at that point like I have all the answers.

Now, I personally have not experienced the dating scene, but I always am able to give a little advice. It's not much, but it usually helps at least a little. So I start off with asking him some questions so I can figure out something to suggest to him. "Where did she find the fan mail?"

"It was piling up in my room. I meant to through it all out, but…" He shrugged his shoulders.

I just sighed. Leave it to Ben to not take out the trash. "Aright, so what exactly set off the fight? I know it has to be a specific letter because she's gotten letters about that episode, too."

Ben thinks hard for a moment, trying to remember the exact details. Mind you, Ben's not the brightest color in the crayon box, but I know that he should have at least some idea about this.

"It mentioned how I should use the Echo Echo trick to double time Julie and Jennifer Nocturne."

Now we're getting somewhere. "I can see why she's upset. That episode where you saved her instead of the blonde actress was a pinnacle moment among the Benlie fans."

"So what should I do?" He asked. I thought long and hard for a while. Finally, I decided on the simple solution.

"You should go meet her. Say nothing about the fight. However, you're not going unarmed."

I then pulled out a sack full of mail from under the counter. Ben looks at me with a WTH face.

"Where did that come from?" He nearly yells out.

"From my plot hole." I then show him that behind the counter I have an actual hole in the floor with a sign that says plot above it. It usual gives me what I need at the time, but it doesn't accept pennies. It' a Kulalu thing.

"What's in that?" Ben asks. I can understand why he's cautious. The last bag of mail he saw is what got him into this mess.

I just pat the bag gently. "This here is the solution of all your problems. A bag full of cheat mail is what got you here. So I figure a bag full of Benlie mail ought to get you out."

It then open the bag, pick up a few envelopes and shift them in my hands using the flipping card trick like Shadowman from the Princess and the Frog.

"Now this is not your usual 'shipping, put Ben and Julie together' type of mail." I formed the letters into a straight flush. "This is well thought out, well written, fan made gold-no! Platinum!"

I then drop the envelopes into the bag, tie it closed, and hand it to him. "You show her this, and I assure you that Julie will feel a LOT better."

"Alright, but if this doesn't work-"

"Oh, but it will work." I place my top hat over my heart. My masks eternal smile seems to widen for a moment. "I give you my word as Count."

I'm glad he didn't ask me what I was Count of, or he would never have taken it.

So he pays for his smoothie, leaves a good tip mind you, and walks away with the sack of mail on hand. It wouldn't be until a couple of weeks later I would see him again. He brought Julie with him and they were all smiles and having a good time. As they leave, Ben sneaks me a thank you note, saying that my idea worked and now their relationship is better than ever.

To this day, I have never told him that those letters all were originally blank, but by some Kulalu magic, I made it so they could see what the other was feeling as they read them to each other. It's a gift I hope they'll treasure for years to come.

What? I'm capable of doing nice things…sometimes. **; }**

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender. You see a lot of strange things at the Krazy Kulalu. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Krazy Kulalu. And that is no lie. I swear to it.** ;)**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer

_**: I don't own Video Game Confessions which is owned by**_** ThatGuyWithTheGlasses**_** and/or any and/or all concepts and/or characters that are displayed in this fic. They are all copyrighted to whoever owns them. **_

"_**I do, however, reserve the right to claim Klank and Orbus as my robot minions considering that I hired them after Zeo and Ohranger ended. But I don't own the shows they appear in. Just wanted to make that perfectly clear! Enjoy!"**_

_**-Count Kulalu-**_

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Bar Confessions

**Edward Cullen**

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This is Kulalu. Kulalu works at a bar known as the Krazy Kulalu. There, popular characters from all over pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories and even secrets. Because, as we all know, what the bartender hears in confidential, isn't it?

So I'm just tending to the bar one day when this guy comes in who was all 'sparkly' when he entered. I mean, some of the characters that come in here shine in the light a bit due to wearing armor, jewelry, or even having scales. But I could swear that this guy had to have sequence on his skin to shine like that in the sun.

So I ask Klank about this guy. For those of you who don't know, I hire certain characters to work for me. Klank and his companion, Orbus, wait tables and do the occasional odd job. I recently hired Rotten Jack from Viewtiful Joe as another minion and he usually works in the kitchen. I used to have this alien known as Frenchfry working there, but I had to fire him since that incident where Julie Yamamoto and Gwen Tennyson had to be **rolled** out of the building. Let's just say they're boyfriends had a few choice words when we found him trying to cook them for the special. But that's a story for another time!

So as I was saying, I was asking my pal Klank about this weird guy and he just looks at me and says. "You don't know boss?"

Seeing as how I asked him to tell me who he was, I said, "No. Who is he?"

He just points a thumb over his shoulder as the guy sits down at the end of the counter and declares, "That 'weirdo' is Edward Cullen."

Just hearing that sentence, only emphasized by my robotic friend's Scottish accent, made my top hat spin. "That's the guy all the Twihards go crazy for?"

"Aye. That would be him."

I just couldn't believe it. The guy who started a teenage girl craze; the one who most girls wish their boyfriends were like. He was only a few feet away. Just looking at him made me feel…inadequate. I mean just looking at him…how am I supposed to compete? I won't describe him because anything I could say would make me sound…anyway, what's the point? If you don't know what he looks like by now, then you're lucky and should go buy some lotto.

He was just sitting there, looking at a menu, almost as if he was expecting to meet someone. Seeing that he was a waiting customer, I decided to at least be polite.

"So what will you have?"

"Surprise me." He replied. Dang! Even his voice was upsetting to me. It was just so…you know, should I really be describing this guy. I mean seriously! Fine, I'll say it. He's 'dreamy' and 'everything you could ever hope for'. Now that I've gotten that out of the way-with whatever dignity I had as a madman intact- let's get back to the story.

Hoping to not let my anger get the better of me, as I was getting ready a glass of chocolate milk for him, I tried to start some polite conversation.

"So you're the famous Edward Cullen. How's it feel to be the one all the girls go crazy for?" I was just unscrewing the bottle, as he answered.

"Terrible. It's a horrible life to live as me."

I nearly dropped the bottle right there. I was not expecting that. I would think he would say something like 'It's fantastic, I get to stay young forever and have superpowers' or 'It is amazing to be this handsome and desirable yet the girls don't mind that my character has the qualities of a stalker.' Heck, I was thinking he would say something about his movies doing better that the Harry Potter series. Never would I think that Edward Cullen think his life was horrible. I had to ask him why.

"Why do you say that, sir?"

"Oh don't try to act like you don't know." He said angrily. I also have to mention that his anger causes him to be a little less monotone (just a bit). "You noticed it like anyone else that sees me."

I didn't know what he was talking about. Seeing that I wasn't getting at, he raised his hand towards the ceiling lights and started waving it around. The light was sparkling of his skin. Now I got it.

"Oh, that."

"Yeah, that. My 'sequential skin' as it's called." He sighed. "One of the many reasons why all the other vampires hate me."

"All the other vampires hate you?" I asked. I knew that there would be some resentment towards Edward, but I thought the other vampires would at least treat him like an annoying cousin.

"Oh, it's much worse than that." He sighed. At this point, I decided to get him something actually strong to drink, so I gave him some blood wine instead of chocolate milk.

"How bad could it be?" I asked as he took a slow swig of his drink. He put it down and look straight at me as he told me how worse it could get.

"I can't even go to a vampire convention. Do you know what it's like to be chased out of a convention full of other bloodsuckers with your wife and daughter staring in horror? It's bad enough the werewolves use me as a racist joke, but it's another thing entirely to have bullets flying by you from the guns of Alucard."

"Alucard tried to shoot you! How did you survive that?" Seriously, have you seen Alucard? He fights Nazi vampires and super humans like Alexander Anderson. He is a true vampire and is totally immortal.

"Fortunately, Seras was able to talk him out of killing me, seeing that my family was there, but he still gave me the look like my death would be amusing." He finished his drink and started to pull out his wallet.

"Going so soon?" I asked.

"Yes. I'm going to go out with Bella tonight." He pulled out some cash and left me a decent tip with his pay. Edward started to walk away but stopped as he had to ask me something. "Did you know I can't read your mind?"

I let a light chuckle at that. "Don't worry. It's one of my abilities. No one can read my mind, not even Professor Xavier. It's nothing like Bella if that's what you were thinking."

I then got serious as I knew this may be the only time I would ever speak to him. "Look, Edward. I may not like you and your books, but that doesn't mean you're terrible. You have Bella, who loves you. It may be unrealistic love and not plausible love, but it's love all the same. Isn't that what the soul of the story contains?"

Edward just stood there for a while, and then he thanked me as he walked away.

As Edward walked out that door, Klank came by and asked how I was feeling. Orbus was on his shoulder.

"Are you alright, sir?" Klank inquired as he gathered some plates.

"Yeah, you seem more down than Austrailia." Orbus quipped.

"…I feel sorry for him."

"…Sir?"

"It's nothing guys. Just get back to work." Seeing that they wouldn't get a straight answer, the two robots continued their rounds while thinking that I was fine. The truth was that I wasn't fine, not entirely because I realized that I didn't hate Edward Cullen that much. No, I felt more pity than anything. It took me a while, but I realized why I pitied Edward Cullen. He's like Jar Jar Binks.

…No, not like that. He's like Jar Jar because they've both been dealt a bad hand in life. Yes, they both can be characters we can get annoyed with, but it's not their fault. It's just that they were created out of an idea that someone thought was good and we not only see it as terrible, but we think that their purpose is to ruin what we think is great. For Jar Jar, Star Wars fans saw him as a racial stereotype-not sure how-and an attempt to destroy Star Wars' integrity. But his problem is much smaller than Edward's because everyone sees him as an attempt to ruin the reputation of **ALL** vampires.

It's even sadder because all the other vampires want to give him a piece of their mind. Some of the top dogs especially: Alucard, Blade, even some of the Darkstalkers.

All I can say is that whenever I hear or see anything related to Twilight…I think of a character that is revered for being…an unusual vampire. At the same time I think that it's hard to be Edward Cullen because while one half 'loves' you and thinks you're 'dreamy', the other half hates you and thinks you're a terrible joke.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender. You see a lot of strange things at the Krazy Kulalu. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Krazy Kulalu. And that is no lie. I swear to it. **;)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**_**: I don't own Video Game Confessions which is owned by**_** ThatGuyWithTheGlasses**_** and/or any and/or all concepts and/or characters that are displayed in this fic. They are all copyrighted to whoever owns them. **_

"_**I do, however, reserve the right to claim Klank and Orbus as my robot minions considering that I hired them after Zeo and Ohranger ended. But I don't own the shows they appear in. Just wanted to make that perfectly clear! Enjoy!"**_

_**-Count Kulalu-**_

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**Bar Confessions**

**Bayonetta**

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This is Kulalu. Kulalu works at a bar known as the Krazy Kulalu. There, popular characters from all over pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories and even secrets. Because, as we all know, what the bartender hears in confidential, isn't it?

So I was just sitting there, behind the counter tending the bar. It was a normal day, not too slow or too rowdy. I was just thinking of how to get the place more exciting when **SHE** walked in.

She was nine feet tall, dressed in what I think was leather, and had the face and body of a supermodel. Her hair was up in a beehive style with red ribbons wrapped in it. Her hands were on her hips, covered in white gloves. She wore glasses, but that only added to her mysterious allure, and…were those guns on her heels?

Who was this woman? I just had to know! Fortunately, she was strutting to the counter.

"So what'll it be miss…?" Please don't say surprise me. I don't want to get shot giving you chocolate milk.

"Bayonetta." She said as she sat down. "Something sweet, with a cherry one top would be nice."

"Coming right up." I didn't even move from my spot. I just set the martini glass in from of her and placed the cherry on top. I didn't even know what the drink was. All I knew was that it was pink. Man, am I glad I had that plot hole installed.

She was clearly impressed by this. "Oh my! You seem to work fast."

"Well, that's just a sign of how skilled I am. I've gained a lot of experience in matters like these over the years." I said casually while wiping the inside of a mug. For some reason, this put a sly smile on her face.

"Oh really." She laid back in her seat while stretching out her legs across the counter. They were close enough to kick the mug out of my hands. Heck, I almost dropped it right there just thinking about how long and shapely they were. Boy she certainly was a beautiful…

NO! Must not fall for her seductive voodoo! Think about what your girlfriend would say…

…I don't have one…

…I've never had one before….

…man, now I feel lonely…

Where was I…Oh yes, her long legs. Fortunately, I was able to start another topic with her.

"So, uh, what is it you do, Miss Bayonetta?"

"I'm a witch." She said. I was surprised at that.

"A witch, huh? Do you know any magic that could-"

Before I could finish what I was saying she did a backflip and disappeared.

"…Okay, guess she does know magic."

"Indeed." I immediately turned around and who else could be on the counter, lying on her side in a modeling pose was the witch herself. It didn't take me long to figure out what happened.

"You stopped time!" That was a surprise. I had met some characters that could stop time for a bit, but judging by her reaction, she was a master at it.

"Well, yes, but I did more than that." She tapped her glass next to her-which definitely wasn't there a second ago- to signal a need to refill it, and I obliged. It was official. I was very intrigued by this woman.

"So, how old are you, miss? That is if it isn't too bold of me to ask." Stupid! Stupid! If there is one thing you don't ask a lady with a gun-or guns in this case-it's her age.

Lucky for me, she seemed to want to play this game. "Aren't you a little young for me, sir clown?"

I tried to sound suave, but even I could tell I was failing at it. "I don't know. What range would you say your age is?" I thought she was in her late twenties at the most.

"Try somewhere in the range of 500."

Whoa! I was not expecting to hear that.

Now you'd be surprised that that is not the oldest person I met. For instance, Professor Paradox is thousands of years old-though does that count if he's outside of time? Even Klank and Orbus are pretty old-they were once a part of the Baranoia that lived for millennia-but they are also machines. Even Yoda was around 800-something when he strolled by here.

"Well, that doesn't sound too, bad." I reasoned to her while giving out another refill. "A 500 year old Gunslinger Witch. I definitely did not picture meeting someone like that today."

"Oh, is that a bad thing?" She purred. As she took the final sip of her round.

"Oh, not at all!" I tried to assure her as I took her glass to refill it again. "Though, there is something to be said about that."

I noticed that I was out of whatever was in the pitcher, so I turned around to get another from my plot hole. "Oh, before we continue, just how did you plan on paying for your rounds? I'll take cash or…"

But when I turned around she wasn't there. "…credit."

I just stood there, realizing that I had been duped. The witch probably ran off after playing me like a cheap accordion, pushing the right buttons to get away without paying. I sighed and bowed my head.

But then my top hat fell right off. "Huh?"

I looked inside it to see a sack. I opened it up ad was surprised what I saw. Inside were these golden rings, or halos. I turned my hat around and found a note placed in the ribbon:

_Thank you for the sweet treat._

_Until next time, Sir Clown._

_-Bayonetta-_

After that, the jukebox in the corner started to play as if on cue.

_Bayonetta, you´re a mystery (Who)  
You come along with a destiny (are you?)  
This is your life, a battlefield telling you who you are  
(A mistery, Bayonetta)  
Bayonetta, this is your time (Hold tight)  
You gonna sparkle, you gonna shine (Moon light)  
Girl, when you fight it looks like a dance, you are magic, you´re magic...  
(you´re dancing beatiful, Bayonetta)_

_Come on, come on! Come on, there´s only one way - your way  
Come on, come on! Come on, you know there´s only one way - your way  
Dance. Fight. Spin around, spin around  
Dance. Fight. Fly higher, fly higher, fly higher_

_Bayonetta, you bury your loneliness deep down in your eyes  
(Beatiful. Beautiful. So Powerful. So Lonely.)  
Sadness lies in your smile (Lonely heart)  
But victory shines in your eyes (You will find it)  
You´re still alive!  
(Deep down in your heart. Deep down inside. Victory!)_

As the song finished, I heard the door closing and got a glimpse of a gunslinger witch strutting out of the bar.

Bayonetta…quite a mystery, indeed.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender. You see a lot of strange things at the Krazy Kulalu. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Krazy Kulalu. And that is no lie. I swear to it. **;)**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**_**: I don't own Video Game Confessions which is owned by**_** ThatGuyWithTheGlasses**_** and/or any and/or all concepts and/or characters that are displayed in this fic. They are all copyrighted to whoever owns them. **_

"_**I do, however, reserve the right to claim Klank and Orbus as my robot minions considering that I hired them after Zeo and Ohranger ended. But I don't own the shows they appear in. Just wanted to make that perfectly clear! Enjoy!"**_

_**-Count Kulalu-**_

* * *

**Bar Confessions**

**Waspinator**

* * *

_This is Kulalu. Kulalu works at a bar known as the Krazy Kulalu. There, popular characters from all over pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories and even secrets. Because, as we all know, what the bartender hears in confidential, isn't it?_

* * *

So I was sitting there, tending to the bar as I usually do. It was a slow day. Nothing much was going on and not too many were there that day. Then the buzzing started.

At first, I thought we had a Beedrill hive in the rafters again. But after looking around, I didn't see any of those poisonous honey-makers. I was worried that this might be the start of some SciFi (or SyFy-which is a stupid rename) movie and I nearly jumped when I found the source of the noise. A giant wasp flew into the bar and was heading straight for the counter. Before I could even pull a can of raid from my plot hole, he suddenly shouted transformed into a humanoid robot mode.

Now, I have had my encounters with many different transformers. They sometimes seemed like the same bot, but with different universes and timelines you could never tell with them. I do no one thing you have to remember with them: The red emblems are the good guys and the purple emblems are the bad guys. This guy had a purple emblem.

I signaled Klank and Orbus to get over here as I got ready to serve him a drink. I could never tell with these purple guys. The last two I met made me question the goings on of their side. One of them was some sort of swindler and tried to turn my place into a black-market for his sales. The other guy actually was some sort of boom box looking robot that was very quiet, but willing to fix the jukebox in the corner to be iTunes compatible to pay off his tab. At least with Klank and Orbus, I had some sort of back up.

"So, what can I get you, sir?" I asked as Klank and Orbus finished serving their last customers before they came to the counter.

"Waspinator want hardest vintage of energon you got!" he said as he set his head against counter. Man, if it wasn't his name or his looks, it would be his voice that would give him away as an insect themed robot.

"So, had a rough day?" I asked hoping to get some conversation started. Klank and Orbus sat next to the guy as I pulled out a bottle filled with some glowing pink substance (plot hole!) and got three glasses. I figured it wouldn't hurt to serve a round for my two workers as they were now on break to watch my back.

The buggy bot just took his glass and sighed in defeat. "Waspinator always have a hard day."

"It can't be that bad." I tried to reason. "There must be one day that wasn't so hard for you."

My attempt at comforting him only made it worse because he just banged his head against the countertop and started bawling.

" Waspinator was always treated unfairly!" Waspinator wailed. "Waspinator always got blown up. When others Predacons got blown up, Megatron ordered Waspinator to salvage parts. But when Waspinator got blown up, nobody salvaged parts. Universe hates Waspinator."

"I understand how you feel, Waspinator." Klank stated as he put a reassuring hand on Waspinator's shoulder.

"You do?"

"Yep." Klank swirled his glass of energon as he went on. "Back when we worked for the Machine Empire, we were smacked around."

"Knocked about. Blown up." Orbus waved his glass frantically.

"And also put back together again only to be given more work to do!"

"More Work! More Blame! More Smack about!" Orbus finished his glass and smacked it on the table as hard as he could.

Klank slammed his own glass on the table, too. "Exactly!"

Now Waspinator was inspired by Klank and Orbus, seeing as they too knew what it was like to be pushed around like cannon fodder and expected to follow orders no matter what. That or the vintage of the energon was enough to get the guy buzzed enough to make his next proclamation.

"Waspinator says enough is enough! It's time Waspinator takes a stand for abused characters like Waspinator!"

"YEAH!" Klank and Orbus cheered, ready for the revolution. It looked like some new changes were going to come about for these characters.

"…So, want to get together for another round or something? I know a few others who would be interested in meeting together for such a cause."

"Waspinator would like that."

Or not.

But don't worry, they all got something they each wanted: The knowledge that there were others out there that didn't like the mistreatment that they constantly went through for the sake of comedy.

And that is how the organization for abused slapstick characters, C.T.H.U.L.H.U. (Characters That Have Undergone Lengthy Humorous Undermining) got started. Surprisingly, they now have many notable members like Team Rocket (Pokemon), Kon (Bleach), Jaken (Inuyasha), and the Stupid, Stupid Rat-Creatures (Bone) just to name a few. Occasionally, they would meet up with each other and tell stories other drinks and snacks. Some of these were overheard by yours truly, but perhaps they're for another time.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender. You see a lot of strange things at the Krazy Kulalu. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Krazy Kulalu. And that is no lie. I swear to it. **;)**

* * *

**This Chapter was inspired by reading UltraSonicFan 's Fic :** '**Sonic and the Maximals: Enter the War Games'. It is a great read. He has also started on another crossover story that stars the Sonic Comics own Southern Belle: Bunnie Raboot D'Coolette. So go read them! Or else you'll make Orbus cry. **

**Orbus: Puwease read them. –sniff- :'(**

**(Whispers: I didn't have the heart to tell him that these stories were canceled. :( )**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**_**: I don't own Video Game Confessions which is owned by**_** ThatGuyWithTheGlasses**_** and/or any and/or all concepts and/or characters that are displayed in this fic. They are all copyrighted to whoever owns them. **_

"_**I do, however, reserve the right to claim Klank and Orbus as my robot minions considering that I hired them after Zeo and Ohranger ended. But I don't own the shows they appear in. Just wanted to make that perfectly clear! Enjoy!"**_

_**Also, I just want to be clear that "My Girlfriend is a Fox" is on hiatus while "Rise of the Baranoia" is cancelled.**_

_**As for this story, I will do more character interviews (Which again, if you all gave reviews and hinted who you wanted to see it would be most helpful and inspiring), as well as what I consider to be the 'Collections'. These are certain chapters that go together, this one in particular belongs to a collection explaining why we don't serve these drinks anymore.**_

_**With that said, have a happy Valentine's day and enjoy the show!**_

_**-Count Kulalu-**_

* * *

**Bar Confessions**

**Why We Don't Serve This Drink Anymore:**

**Shot 1: Cacturn Rum**

* * *

_This is Kulalu. Kulalu works at a bar known as the Krazy Kulalu. There, popular characters from all over pop in to have a drink. Sometimes, they share stories and even secrets. Because, as we all know, what the bartender hears is confidential, isn't it?_

* * *

It was far from being an ordinary day at the bar. I know I always start off by saying that it is, but this time it wasn't. Now you might be wondering just what made this time so different from any other time I mentioned before. Well, it all started with a certain announcement from an old friend. I remember how it started.

That day, when the bar was crowded with enough people to have a vibrating melody of broken conversation, Ash came rushing in, with a blushing Misty in tow. "She said yes!"

Ah, a royal engagement. They may not be royalty, of course, but Ash and Misty were two very famous characters. They may not have special powers, or even giant mechs but those two will always be a part of the childhood of many fans. I myself was really glad to hear that these two were getting together. Now that may not mean much considering that I have seen both of them paired up with other people that may or may not have been part of their original world-and I will probably see more of these pairings as time goes on-but it still holds true nonetheless.

You have to admit, the happiness does two were generating was infectious.

Ash was over in one corner, getting pats on the back and praises of finding a good girl from the other guys. He even got a fist bump from Ryu, which when he does means he really congratulates your luck. Misty was sitting down on a table, showing off her new engagement ring and blushing in front of some of the other female patrons of the bar. The more femalely attuned like Zelda and Midna were having some light hearted girl talk with her, while the more serious ones like Samus was giving a nod in congratulations.

It looked like everyone was starting to get more lively and rowdy. It was a good feeling for business, but if you having learned by now that could only lead to some serious shenanigans.

"Hey bartender! Break out a round of the good stuff for everyone!"

To this day, there is still debate as to who shouted it out. No one has come forward and admitted to it. Although, a good deal of the patrons who were in that day claim it was Brock, you'll find an equal amount say it was Zoro, Gary, Brook, or Cana.

Now, I don't know if you recall how whenever someone says 'Surprise me', I give them chocolate milk. Well, that's just one of the coded gag orders I have at the Krazy Kulalu. Another one is 'a round of the good stuff' which is a lot more random because the good stuff is always changing. Why?

Well, the good stuff is whatever drink comes from the plot hole I keep behind the counter. Now this drink could be anything from Tang to Apple Cider. There was even one time it was water with red food dye, which you NEVER give to Alucard when he's thirsty. EV-ER!

So what was that brew that came up from the plot hole? Why it was none other than a big bottle of cacturn rum!

Now I know what you are thinking. Cacturn rum? Isn't that some serious liquor? Well, yes and no. Surprisingly, cacturn rum is actually not alcoholic…to a degree. It's sort of like a non-alcoholic margarita mix. Now, it can ferment and become liquor if it is aged for a long time-at least three years. Naturally knowing this, I checked the age on the bottle and saw that it was not even a year old. So I served the drinks to everyone, but got myself a limeade because I didn't feel like tasting lukewarm cactus cooler. Little did I know, I made one major mistake which I would later find out the hard way.

That mistake was that the bottle was made in the year 2011…of the Zanarkand Calendar.

I don't remember much about what happened after that. All I can recall is that I turned around to get some more glasses for the counter, and when I faced the crowd again, I found someone's fist heading right into my face. The rest is all stars.

I woke up feeling as if I got punched in the face by a drunken-oh wait, I did. I looked around and saw what was left over of my bar. There were many patrons thrown about like rag dolls. It looked like a serious brawl with no clear cut winner. Most of the guys looked like they had been in some sort of makeshift tournament. Considering Ash was hanging on a chandelier with a tossed aside ladder under him, I'm guessing he won…something…which is amazing considering how badly beaten up fighters lie Ryu and Zoro looked.

There were other stranger sights throughout the bar.

On one of the tables was Zelda curled up with…MIDNA!

No, wait, Link's still with them. He's out cold under the table, but with all that lipstick on his face…I guess that makes it better….?

And is that Misty in Samus's Zero suit? I mean Samus wearing her armor over there in the corner, minus the helmet which is on Pikachu and…GREAT CHOCOLATE CTHULHU! PIKACHU!

I rushed to the electric mouse Pokémon. He was in a puddle of something…red. Klank and Orbus were over him and desperately checking his vitals. Orbus made sure to take of Samus's helmet and tossed it off to the side.

"HOLY -BEEP-!" Klank shouted. He and Orbus actually had a censorship program for when they cursed which would make me laugh any other time, but this was a serious matter. "Did we kill Pikachu!"

"OH –BEEP!- I AINT GOING BACK TO PRISON!" Orbus shouted. Everyone looked at shock at hearing that tidbit of information. I…didn't feel the need to ask about that. It's Orbus, what more can I say?

Fortunately, I discovered that the puddle Pikachu was in did not originate from his body. "He's just covered in ketchup. And it looks like he was making angels in it."

Still, even though no one was near mortal danger, we all agreed that it would be for the best that:

1. We never speak of this to anyone.

2. Whatever happened at the Krazy Kulalu STAYS at the Krazy Kulalu.

3. We never do this again! EV-ER!

So after making sure that everyone was recovered from their injuries (I had some healing items stashed in the plot hole, although I had nothing to help the splitting headaches everyone had), I managed to make sure everyone got back to their homes safely(again, blame the plot hole). Still it would be many days until I would be able to fix up the place after what hit it. It didn't help either that I realized that NOBODY PAID FOR THEIR DRINKS BEFORE THEY LEFT! I'm still wondering who call for that round. He deserves to have the tab given to him for all the damages.

So that is why we no longer serve Cacturn Rum. The only way I would give it out is if the customer really needed it, but I shudder to think about the next guy who asks for it. The brew only gets stronger with time and it's been lying in the store for a LONG time now.

Still, it could lead to some more hilarious hijinks.

You see a lot of strange things as a bartender. You see a lot of strange things at the Krazy Kulalu. So, I see a lot of strange things as a bartender at the Krazy Kulalu. And that is no lie. I swear to it. **;)**


	7. IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE 8213

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE 8/2/13**

Hey guys,

It's been a while, hasn't it? Well, some stuff has been happening in my life that just made it very difficult to get back to writing fics. Besides being in a great deal of classes that involve assigned writing that I must focus on, there have been other things that I've been going through. So to quickly give you an idea, here are three things that have kept me from posting things.  
1. Ben 10 is dead.

2. Life is given priority over fantasy.

3. Depression hurts.

That third one might be too blunt to say, but I rather not go into too much about it, due to the darker side of the net. Rest assured, I take life one day at a time and am not going through it as badly as I was in the beginning. That is all I will say on the matter.

Anyways, I am not sure if I should stick around as Count Kulalu. I wanted to do so much with the character, but the problem is that I ended up not becoming comfortable enough to put the character out there. OCs are considered taboo, and with what I wanted to do, I would have been undoubtedly put further under the rug. So I felt too intimidated to continue things like "Klank and Orbus, Where Are You Now?" and "Character Confessions at the Krazy Kulalu". As for my Ben 10 fics, well, see #1 and you'll find that while I like reading fics of the genre (especially from writers like MissLevinLover and Bigby the Big Bad Wolf) I don't think I feel inspired enough to write them myself anymore.

Yet, I do not want to just dispose of these stories. I may find a way to continue them. I also do not want to erase what maybe a very very number of readers may have enjoyed. So, I will not simply delete them, but should I give them to others who may want them?

Should Count Kulalu be gone, and I become someone else? Someone who starts fresh? Or is there something I can do to stay Kulalu and just try to show random bits of stories that I would like to see here? Any answers?

Also, I would like to try my hand at Beta Reading, for I feel if I can't make my own fanfics (I can still write, thank you very much), then I might be able to help out others if given the chance.


End file.
